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The Importance of Self-Reflection in Personal Growth

Writer's picture: Fathership ProgramFathership Program

Self-reflection is one of those things I used to brush off, thinking I didn’t need to sit around pondering my choices. After all, life keeps throwing things at us at 100 miles an hour, and who has time to stop and reflect? But over the years, I’ve learned that self-reflection is not just important—it’s essential. Without it, we’re just running on autopilot, making the same mistakes, accepting the same labels, and wondering why things never change.

It took me a while (like 50 years!) to realize that true growth starts when we take a hard look at ourselves. I'm not talking about beating ourselves up over every misstep, but rather pausing to consider our actions, reactions, and patterns. We’re often so caught up in surviving that we forget to check in with the person doing the surviving—ourselves.

One of the best tools I’ve found for this process is something a lot of people wouldn’t expect—the 12 steps. Now, most folks think the 12 steps are just for people in recovery, but I’m telling you, it’s good for anyone who’s willing to work the steps. What I love about the steps is that they create a structured way to keep returning to self-reflection, month after month, year after year. It’s not a one-and-done process—it’s ongoing and never really finished. That’s the point. Life keeps changing, and so do we. We need to keep checking in with ourselves.

If you think about it, working the steps over the course of a year—one step each month—provides a natural rhythm to this self-reflection. Each month, you dive into a different aspect of your life. You let go of things, make amends, take personal inventory, and reconnect with something greater than yourself. And then, by the time you hit Step 12, you’re ready to start all over again the next year. The steps aren’t just about fixing something broken; they’re about maintaining a practice of self-awareness and accountability.

Research backs this up. Studies show that reflecting on experiences leads to better decision-making and personal growth. It helps you identify patterns—both good and bad—that you might otherwise miss. As Viktor Frankl writes in Man’s Search for Meaning, self-awareness allows us to choose our attitude in any given circumstance (Frankl, 2006). It’s about taking responsibility for our story, no matter how chaotic the world around us may be.

For me, self-reflection isn’t just a solo act—it’s part of a larger system of accountability, which is why the steps resonate so deeply. Life is messy, and we need tools that help us make sense of it. The 12 steps, when worked consistently, provide that framework. It’s warrior work—facing the hard stuff head-on.

I invite you to give it a try. Start small. Reflect on your day before you fall asleep. Or when you’re driving to work, instead of zoning out to the radio, ask yourself what went well and what didn’t. You might be surprised at what comes up.

Because here’s the thing: growth isn’t just about achieving more or being better than the day before. It’s about understanding ourselves so that we can live authentically. Self-reflection is how we find that authenticity, even if it takes a lifetime to get there. The steps remind us that self-reflection isn’t a one-time event, but an ongoing journey.


Work Cited: Frankl, V. E. (2006). Man’s search for meaning. Beacon Press.

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