When we think about what it takes to become our best selves as men, emotional intelligence (EQ) often gets left off the list. We're told to "man up," keep our feelings to ourselves, and just keep pushing forward. But let's be real — that’s not working for a lot of us. It certainly didn't work for me. The truth is, understanding and managing our emotions is just as important as being physically strong or mentally tough. Without emotional intelligence, we’re just ticking time bombs waiting to explode. Trust me, I know this from experience.
Emotional Intelligence: What It Is and Why It Matters
Emotional intelligence is about being able to recognize, understand, and manage not only your own emotions but also the emotions of others. It's not just some new-age mumbo jumbo either — it’s backed by science. Emotional intelligence is broken down into five components: self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills (Goleman, 1995). The more we develop these areas, the better equipped we are to handle stress, build meaningful relationships, and make better decisions.
For men, emotional intelligence is especially important because we’ve been socialized to believe that showing emotions makes us weak. But I’m here to tell you, there’s nothing weak about being emotionally intelligent. In fact, it takes a lot more strength to be vulnerable and in touch with your emotions than it does to bottle them up. Ask any guy who's been through the wringer trying to keep it all together. The fallout from not addressing our emotional health can be catastrophic — broken relationships, mental health struggles, and in some cases, even violence.
How Emotional Intelligence Impacts Mental Health
It’s no secret that men's mental health has been in crisis for some time. According to the American Psychological Association (2018), men are far more likely than women to die by suicide, and yet we're far less likely to seek help. That’s where emotional intelligence comes in. When we learn to recognize our emotions, we can start to take control of them instead of letting them control us. Self-awareness helps us notice when we're heading into dangerous territory, whether it's depression, anger, or anxiety. Self-regulation allows us to manage these emotions in healthier ways, like talking to someone or finding constructive outlets for our stress.
Empathy, another key component of emotional intelligence, helps us build stronger relationships. When we're able to understand where others are coming from, it becomes easier to connect on a deeper level. And let's face it, we could all use more meaningful connections in our lives. Being emotionally intelligent doesn't mean you're sitting around singing Kumbaya with your buddies, but it does mean you're capable of having real conversations about things that matter.
Why We Need to Teach Emotional Intelligence to Men
If there’s one thing I’ve learned through my work with the Fathership Program, it's that we can’t expect men to magically become emotionally intelligent without some guidance. Most of us weren’t raised with the tools we need to be emotionally aware. That’s why it's critical to incorporate emotional intelligence training into men’s mental health programs. Whether it’s through counseling, workshops, or even self-study, learning emotional intelligence is a game changer.
We’re not talking about flipping a switch overnight, but by taking small steps toward building self-awareness, regulating our emotions, and improving our relationships, we can start to heal ourselves. And once we do that, we can help other men heal too. We need to be the change we want to see in the world, and that starts with getting real about our emotions. So let’s stop pretending we’ve got it all together and start working on the things that truly matter — our minds, our hearts, and our relationships with others.
Work Cited
American Psychological Association. (2018). Suicide and self-harm among men: Key statistics. APA. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org
Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ. Bantam Books.
Comments