In a world that often glorifies individualism, the image of the "lone wolf" has been a symbol of strength and independence. However, as Philip Folsom eloquently puts it in his talk, The Time of the Lone Wolf is Over, this era of isolation is coming to an end. The challenges we face today—whether personal, social, or global—are too great to be tackled alone. It’s time to embrace the power of community and connection.
The Myth of the Lone Wolf
The lone wolf is a compelling metaphor, often portrayed as the ultimate survivor—strong, self-reliant, and independent. Yet, this image is more myth than reality. In nature, wolves are pack animals, and those who find themselves alone are usually at a disadvantage. Studies show that social connections are crucial for well-being and longevity. According to research by Holt-Lunstad et al. (2010), lacking social connections carries a risk of premature mortality comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. This evidence challenges the notion that going it alone is a sign of strength.
In his work, psychologist Abraham Maslow highlighted the importance of belonging as one of the fundamental human needs in his hierarchy of needs. He argued that social connections are essential for individuals to reach their full potential and achieve self-actualization (Maslow, 1943). Without a sense of belonging, we remain unfulfilled, unable to reach our true potential.
The Power of Tribe
Folsom's message about the end of the lone wolf era resonates deeply with what we know about human nature. Humans, like wolves, are inherently social creatures. The need for belonging is a fundamental part of our psychology. A strong community provides emotional support, shared wisdom, and a sense of purpose. The Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the longest studies on human life, found that close relationships are the key to happiness and health.
Supporting this idea, the work of social neuroscientist Matthew Lieberman reveals that our brains are wired for social connection. In his book Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect, Lieberman explains that the human brain has evolved to prioritize social connection above all else, even above basic needs like food and shelter. This social wiring underscores the importance of building and maintaining strong connections with others (Lieberman, 2013).
In the Fathership Program, we emphasize the importance of building these connections. We’ve seen firsthand how men who engage with a supportive community experience significant improvements in their mental, physical, and spiritual well-being. It’s not about giving up independence but recognizing that we are stronger together.
Breaking the Cycle of Isolation
So how can we begin to break away from the lone wolf mentality? The first step is recognizing that vulnerability is not a weakness. It’s a necessary part of forming genuine connections. Brené Brown, a research professor at the University of Houston, has extensively studied vulnerability and found that it’s the birthplace of love, belonging, and joy.
Additionally, the importance of community in overcoming life's challenges is echoed by Johan Hari in his book Lost Connections. Hari argues that the root of many mental health issues, such as depression and anxiety, is the disconnection from meaningful relationships and community. Reconnecting with others is not just beneficial; it is essential for mental health and well-being (Hari, 2018).
Start by seeking out communities that resonate with your values. Whether it’s joining a group, participating in programs like the Fathership Program, or simply reaching out to a friend, these connections can transform your life. It’s time to let go of the outdated idea that you have to go it alone.
Conclusion
The time of the lone wolf is over. In embracing community, we find not only strength but fulfillment and purpose. Let’s challenge the myth of individualism and recognize the profound power of connection. After all, true strength lies not in standing alone but in standing together.
Citations:
Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T. B., & Layton, J. B. (2010). Social Relationships and Mortality Risk: A Meta-analytic Review. PLOS Medicine, 7(7), e1000316.
Maslow, A. H. (1943). A Theory of Human Motivation. Psychological Review, 50(4), 370–396.
Mineo, L. (2017). Over nearly 80 years, Harvard study has been showing how to live a healthy and happy life. The Harvard Gazette. Retrieved from https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2017/04/over-nearly-80-years-harvard-study-has-been-showing-how-to-live-a-healthy-and-happy-life/
Lieberman, M. D. (2013). Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect. Crown Publishers.
Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. Gotham Books.
Hari, J. (2018). Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions. Bloomsbury Publishing.
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