Every day, we navigate a world full of perceptions, judgments, and opinions. From the moment we step outside, we’re often bombarded with ideas about who we are, what we stand for, and what we should be. These perceptions can come from family, friends, colleagues, or even strangers, but here’s the truth: You are not defined by what others think of you.
As Carl Jung put it, “The world will ask you who you are, and if you don’t know, the world will tell you.” Too often, we let the words of others shape our identity. We allow their assumptions to dictate our actions, our self-worth, and even the path we choose to walk. But here’s where we need to take a stand. We are not the stories others write about us (Jung, 1953).
No one else can truly understand your experiences, your struggles, or your journey. The only person who holds the pen to your story is you. While others may try to impose their version of who you are, it’s your right to stand up and say, “No, that’s not me.”
Reclaiming Your Story
1. Know Yourself First
Reclaiming your story starts with a deep understanding of who you are. Viktor Frankl’s exploration of meaning in life suggests that “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way” (Frankl, 2006). When you know yourself and your values, the opinions of others lose their power. Building this self-awareness helps you rise above the noise and remain anchored in your truth.
2. Challenge the Labels
In King, Warrior, Magician, Lover, Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette emphasize that society imposes simplistic labels on us, but these archetypes barely scratch the surface of who we are (Moore & Gillette, 1990). You are a complex being, not just a role or category that others impose on you. Rejecting limiting labels frees you to define yourself on your own terms.
3. Refuse to Be Boxed In
People will often try to put you in boxes based on their own comfort or understanding. In Under Saturn’s Shadow, James Hollis talks about how many men fall into patterns defined by society’s narrow definitions of masculinity (Hollis, 1994). The moment we allow ourselves to be confined to such labels is when we give away our power. Resist the pressure to conform to someone else’s narrative—your growth and transformation are yours alone to define.
4. Embrace Your Unique Path
Men's Work by Connor Beaton highlights the importance of men embracing their unique journeys, even when the world doesn’t understand or support them (Beaton, 2021). You don't need validation from others for the path you choose. Your story may look different from the "norm," but it's that uniqueness that gives it power. Trust in your own process and experiences.
5. Let Go of What Others Think
As Brené Brown explains in The Gifts of Imperfection, “What’s the greater risk? Letting go of what people think—or letting go of how I feel, what I believe, and who I am?” (Brown, 2010). Releasing the need for approval from others allows you to live authentically. How others perceive you is based on their own biases and experiences, not on who you truly are. Your worth is not tied to their perceptions, but to the integrity with which you live your life.
Conclusion
In a world where it’s easy to let others dictate how we should be, it takes strength to stand tall and refuse to let anyone else write our story. But that strength lies within you, and once you tap into it, no one can take away your voice or your truth. Remember, you are not what others say or think—you are who you choose to be.
References
Beaton, C. (2021). Men's work: A practical guide to face your darkness, end self-sabotage & find freedom.
Brown, B. (2010). The gifts of imperfection: Let go of who you think you're supposed to be and embrace who you are. Hazelden Publishing.
Frankl, V. E. (2006). Man's search for meaning. Beacon Press.
Hollis, J. (1994). Under Saturn's shadow: The wounding and healing of men. Inner City Books.
Jung, C. G. (1953). Psychology and alchemy (2nd ed.). Routledge.
Moore, R., & Gillette, D. (1990). King, warrior, magician, lover: Rediscovering the archetypes of the mature masculine. HarperCollins.
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