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How to Build Confidence and Self-Assurance (Without the Fluff)

Writer's picture: Fathership ProgramFathership Program

Let’s be real—confidence isn’t something you just “wake up” with one day. It’s not a switch you flip, it’s more like a muscle that needs constant training (and sometimes, a little bruising) before it’s solid. So, how do you get to the point where you don’t second-guess yourself every time life throws a curveball?

1. Stop Waiting for Perfection

Perfection is a myth. Waiting to feel "ready" or "perfect" before taking a step forward is a good way to stay stuck. Messing up is part of the game, and you’re going to learn more from the faceplants than the victories. Every mistake is a lesson in disguise. The trick? Learn from it. Use it. Move on (Vasquez, 2022).

2. Fake It ‘Til You Make It

Yep, that old saying still holds. Confidence doesn’t mean you don’t feel fear or doubt; it just means you don’t let it control your moves. So throw on that brave face and act like you own the room, even if you feel like an imposter inside. Soon enough, your actions start reshaping your mindset (Beaton, 2021).

3. Celebrate Small Wins

You’re not going to crush every goal in one go. But every small victory, even the ones that feel minor, are steps in the right direction. Don’t brush off your progress. Whether it’s speaking up in a meeting or sticking to your workout for a week, celebrate that win! Small steps lead to big confidence (Beaton, 2021).

4. Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

Nothing grows in the comfort zone—except maybe regret. Confidence builds when you push yourself into new, unfamiliar territory. Scared to try something? Perfect. That’s your sign to do it. The more you do things that scare you, the more you realize just how much you're capable of (Moore & Gillette, 1991).

5. Stop Comparing

Comparing yourself to others is like drinking poison and expecting them to feel sick. Their journey isn’t yours, and you’ve got no idea what challenges they’re facing behind the scenes. Focus on your own growth and how far you’ve come. Their success doesn’t define you, but your self-assurance can (Garraway, 2020).

6. Practice Self-Compassion

Confidence isn’t about being invincible or perfect; it’s about being okay with your imperfections. Cut yourself some slack, treat yourself with kindness, and don’t tear yourself apart when things go sideways. The more you build yourself up, the stronger your confidence becomes (Beaton, 2021).

7. Stay Grounded in Your Values

When the world is spinning, or you feel out of place, ground yourself in your values. Confidence comes from knowing who you are, what you stand for, and not wavering from that no matter how rough the road gets. People may challenge you, but if you're solid in your values, your confidence will stay intact (Hollis, 1996).

Confidence isn’t about walking around thinking you’re perfect. It’s about taking action, accepting the missteps, and knowing that you’re still moving in the right direction. Confidence isn’t a destination, it’s a practice. And every day you show up for yourself is a win. So get out there and flex that confidence muscle—you’ll be surprised at how strong it gets.


Work Cited

Beaton, C. (2021). Men's Work: A Practical Guide to Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage & Find Freedom. Audible.

Garraway, R. (2020). Resilient Man: Conquer Self-Sabotage and Embrace Emotional Vulnerability. PowerHouse.

Hollis, J. (1996). Under Saturn's Shadow. Inner City Books.

Moore, R., & Gillette, D. (1991). King, Warrior, Magician, Lover. HarperOne.

Vasquez, J. (2022). Emotional Intelligence Groundwork. Serenity Press.

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